My Cash
Back Wish
A man was walking on the beach and tripped over an
old lamp.
He picked it up and
rubbed it and... a genie jumped out and said:
"O.K., you have freed
me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah!
Forget that story
about the three wishes!
You got one wish and
that's it, period!
Do you understand?"
The man sat down,
thought for a minute and replied:
I am sick and
tired of not getting the money I deserve for all the work I do...for the
money
I have invested since the beginning of this new century...and sick and
tired of investing money
in projects like the Madoff pyramid schema and not
getting my money back and never making
any real money....I work hard and my
retirement is dwindling down to nothing. Like Will Rogers said,
'it is not
the "return on my investment" I am worried about, it is the return of my money
invested.'
I have invested in MLM pyramid projects that have made a few a
lot of money and the
greater number of people handly any money at
all.
This is what I want. It is all based on buying what I want. Not what
someone else wants.
I want a CASH BACK program so that when I spend money
the vendor pays me back and
deposits it in my bank account. You know like
what you get with the grocery stores.
I want one (1) cash back loyalty
rewards card that I can use at all stores for anything
I purchase.
If
you spend $100 you can see on the cash register receipt that you saved $17.43.
I am so happy when I see that.
But that is only for one store.
So
how I envision it to work is when I buy groceries, shoes, go out to dinner, buy
office
supplies, buy gas for my car....you know anything I buy I want cash
back. And, I will not
be too greedy. I just want 1% or 2% cash back deposited
in my account every week at
5:00am when I get up. And, send me a text or
email to let me know how much
money has been deposited.
I also want
loyalty rewards paid back to me in my bank account
like I had when I was
growing up. Just enough, somewhere between 1% and 30% of what I purchased
that will make me want to return to the store and buy more from them.
Then when my loyalty rewards that were deposited in my bank account (like a
piggy bank) gets full I want a
check sent to me for at least $675. Then
I want to start filling the piggy bank again and again
and again and get a
check for at least $675 each time the piggy bank gets full.
Now as I purchase
more and more and more, and the piggy bank gets cracked open, I want
my check
to be more and more and more. You can max out my check at $24,000, but when
I
fill my piggy bank up and it is full I want a check every time if fills up for
$24,000.
Also, when I tell others about how my cash back program works, I
want those I tell about
this cash back loyalty rewards program to receive the
same cash back and loyalty rewards
that I receive. Now I am not asking too
much, but for all the purchases made by those
that I recommend and refer to
my cash back program, I want 1/2% loyalty rewards from their
purchases. That
is not asking tooooo much.
Now what you can do Genie, is you can figure
out at least seven (7) additional ways that
I can earn cash back, loyaty
rewards, bonuses, etc. etc. etc. You do not have to explain
it to me, just
deposit the cash back, loyalty rewards, and bonuses in my bank account
at
least monthly.
My cash back and
loyalty rewards program should be explained to other like
this:
|
NO MONTHLY FEES |
|
NO ANNUAL FEES |
|
NO FEES PAID TO MEMBERS BY MEMBERS |
|
ALL CASH BACK PAID BY VENDORS |
|
ALL LOYALTY REWARDS PAID BY VENDORS |
|
ALL BONUSES PAID BY VENDORS |
|
ALL DEPOSITS ARE MY MONEY |
|
NO STRINGS ATTACHED |
|
NO HOKUS POKUS MALOKUS |
AND,
when I want to
purchase directly from the vendor, I do not want any penalties, restrictions, or
fines.
It is a great day to shine your shoes!
It is a great day to buy
a pair of shoes!
It is a great day for losing the blues!
It is a great day
from morning to night?
It is a great day for singing a song!
Everything to
gain and nothing to lose"
Cash back with every
purchase.
The genie had a good
laugh and retorted:
"IMPOSSIBLE!!!
Just think of the
hardware, software, the logistics,
the people needed to
develop this,
compliance with the
banking system, federal reserve system,
certification,
indemnification, validation, provocation, identification,
the
installation,
the
implemenation,
the training,
the vendors to train, the
secretaries, approvals from the United States Attorney General,
the fees to
pay people forever and forever!!!
How could we put
machines in every vendor shop in all major cities,
think about the
infrastruction and the wiring, Internet connections,
the amount of invested
funds,
the labor...and the
unions.
Thousands of vendors
would have to make a paradigm shift from advertising to providing
cash back for
customer appreciation. The vendors would have to ask
you to spend your money with them. The vendors would have
to give their
customers a 1% to 30% loyalty rewards bonus spread and that would
come out of their profits.
Every vendor would have to make a
choice as to
what percentage they pay their customers in loyalty rewards.
This would be very difficult for the vendors.
No, absolutely not!
NOT A CHANCE!!!
We cannot create such
a CASH BACK and LOYALTY REWARDS program!
Unless you have
trillions of dollars, think of another wish..."
The man understood and
tried to think of a
wish which could be
really possible.
Finally he
said:
"You know, I was
married four times,
and four times I got
divorced.
My wives always said I
didn't care about them,
that I was
insensitive.
My wish, therefore, is
to understand women;
know how they feel
inside,
what they think about
when they are not talking to us ...
to know why they cry
...
to really know what
they want when they say nothing ...
to know how to make
them really happy!"
But above all,
eliminate the question that haunts all men:
What are you thinking
about Honey?
The genie says
:
"Alright...Alright...Alright ALREADY!
Now
when did you want that CASH BACK and LOYALTY REWARDS program?
You will have to pay
$1.50 for each CASH BACK and LOYALTY REWARDS card you give to a new
member.
This $1.50 will be your only cost that you have to spend on new
members.
Plus, you have to deposit on account either a minimum of $225 and a
maximum
of $3,000 for future purchases.
Then for all other purchases you
deposit on account the amount you want
to spend as your regular spending
habits. These deposits are all yours.
